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| Poems |
Humor
(Oooops, this "honeybee prayer poem is on the wrong page. It should be with the prayers. The " suggestions for lent" are not humor, either. Well, some people laugh. I didn't mean it to be funny!)
Second, Oooops. Three devotional poems are at the end of this long page. Check out "Crumb Upon the Path."
Go Green, my ecology mascot, icon. Inspired by "Go Green, " my grandson Tristan and I wrote the poem Go Green that is printed below
Go Green
by bruce williamson & tristan alpers
Hug a tree. Kiss a whale. Cuddle up with a polar bear.
Live green.
Pick up some litter. Put living fish back into the sea. Fall in love with an eco-system near you. Shampoo a squirrel.
Craving What We Do Not Need
Does my dog need a cell phone?
Does the bluebird in a tree need a karaoke machine to sing loud and free?
And what do I crave that I need not?
The pharaohs of old
wanted pyramids so bold.
They needed them not.
Tinsel and trinkets,
gizmos and gadgets
stuff that will rust,
and fluff that I must dust.
It must be an addiction.
It certainly is an affliction
to be buried under such stuff.
The Pharaohs would understand.
Sonnet to A Snoring Wife by Sapo Guapo Del Rio, the high IQ frog
When in my bed I lay a sleeping
I woke startled by her loud snore,
and my endeavor at sweet dreams reaping
was lost in her roar.
It was rhythmic like an oar rowing on a lake,
still this was no pastoral scene, but a factory's racket.
Would my touch her slumber unmake?
How could I stand this racketry?
But flesh is soft and spirit forgiving,
so I'll not find fault.
Let us ever be living,
and let us not balk,
when wrinkles become your lot,
or my tinkle misses the pot.
Governor Pig's Sense of Humor
a true page out of Texas history
James Hogg,
big man, big ambition in a big state,
Texas.
But do not think Governor Hogg
could not laugh or tell a droll story.
He had a sense of humor.
A second piece of pie he could not resist.
Nor could he resist the humor in his piggish name.
Two daughters were born. He could not resist; He gave into temptation.
He named those girls,
Ima Hogg,
Ura Hogg.
Sure-Fire Method Of Keeping All Your New Year's Resolutions
Yes, you can keep all your New Year's resolutions in 2010 ! Just use these secret methods. Your success is guaranteed.
First, Add the words "every now and then" to every resolution.
Traditional Resolution: I will exercise 3 times a week.
New Improved Resolution: Every now and then I will exercise.
Second, Add the word "try" to your resolution.
Traditional Resolution: I will eat healthy every day.
New Improved Resolution: I will try to eat healthy every day.
Third, For challenging resolutions add the words "will admire people who."
Traditional Resolution: I will lose 100 pounds and get 6 pack abs.
New Improved Resolution: I will admire people who lose 100 pounds and get 6 pack abs.
Clearly with these powerful methods you can keep your resolutions. No sense of failure is here. Don't worry about feeling you have the will power of an earth worm. Plus, even in this new improved form your resolutions will point you in the right direction, and will show your positive attitude toward self-improvement.
I would wish you good luck with your resolutions. But who needs luck with these methods. You are sure to succeed.
special notice: All, so called, errors, typos, misspellings, glitches, and lame jokes, on this website are provided to build your self-esteem for certainly you will conclude "I could do butter than that myself."
Our Editorial Board --- and the Creative Director consulting with rubber ducks
Board Members at Humor Luncheon Seminar Working out creative differences
The Big Head for extra brain power Tulips are our most beautiful board member
Our slippery board member -- hard to catch and his cell phone never works.
The Honeybee Feeds Upon The Flower
Lord, as the honeybee feeds upon the flower, let me find a spiritual home
where I may feed upon you and live. A home for my time, gifts, and energy. A
home where I may taste, and always know that you are good.
Amen.
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Creativity & the Church
Creativity & the Church
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A Cannonball Into The River of Life
As an act of pure defianceagainst all negativity,
let us smile for no reason at all,
sing an old hymn of faith, and
just plain stubbornly believe that
we're headed to a better place.
In the light of grace, let's be kind
to each otherr, and to ourselves.
Sing "Amazing Grace" for a verse or
two. Shout "Hallelujah!" with glee,
as if you had a rope swing on the
Tree of Life, and were doing a
cannonball into the River of Life.
Refuse to surrender your joy,
your faith, or your hope.
Pray for blessings on others.
Laugh out loud. Tell a silly joke,
story. Kneel in prayer. Wiggle your toes in clover.
Seek the peace of God -- relax your body. Live lightly and refuse to overstress
your brain. Let your faith be a bright, strong, & defiant joy -- that most
folks cannot understand. Yes, "Hallelujah" ...
a cannonball ... into the River of Life. Amen.
Whales, Cactus, Honesty Love
Grant us a new honesty before you.
In quiet moments, help us to concentrate upon your Son, your grace, your glory, and your love for the whole world.
You love the whale leaping in the sea,
the butterfly feeding on the bhoneysuckle,
the cactus growing in the desert sun.
And you love us -- succeeding, failing, sinning,
serving, growing, faltering,
and trying again.
Your love is much more than ours.
Sometimes even when we pray we find it
hard to move past our own egos and
self-interests.
Lord, We don't want to be eaten alive by our egos,
saturated with selfishness.
Neither do we want to pretend that we are
persons without needs, wants, wounds, and
scars.
We want to be real before you -- honest, not
artificial. And we want to love You, and
this world you have created. Help our love
to grow -- for You and for each other.
Suggestions for Lent:
Lent approaches. Lent is that traditional season before Easter-starting
on Ash Wednesday, February 6, 2008-that Christians use to focus on strengthening
their spiritual life. Repentance and sacrifice are often part of this focus. For
Lent you could...
1. Give up being grouchy, irritable, and
short-tempered.**
2. Give up old grudges, lingering bitterness, & pessimism.
3. Give up criticizing others, condemning others, and practicing judgementalism.
4.Give up gossip and slander-either telling or listening to it.
**It is probably wise not to give up coffee, chocolate & similar items
while giving up being groucy, since body and mind are connected.
5. Add the Jesus Prayer to your daily routine. It is "Lord Jesus
Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner." Often the prayer is prayed
in shorted forms, such as "Lord Jesus have mercy", or shorter still, "Jesus
mercy", or simply "Jesus."
6.Learn some Bible. Read through one of the Gospels-Matthew, Mark, Luke
and John. Memorize a few Scriptures.
7. Clean up some messes. Practice picking up after yourself.
8. Compliment or praise 3 people daily wanting nothing in return.
9. Practice random acts of kindness & beauty.
10. Be more patient with people including yourself.
A Cookie Crumb Upon the Path
A little ant walked
upon a little trail
upon the little trail was
a tiny, tiny cookie crumb.
A tiny bit of a sugar cookie
completely blocked the little trail.
So the ant began to munch a bit,
and eat, and eat, and eat,
and soon the cookie crumb was gone.
In pain the ant began to moan,
"Oooo, I am overfilled; my stomach may
burst; I ate the whole of this sugar boulder that blocked my wide, wide
path."
-- a cookie crumb upon the path,
-- a cookie crumb upon the path.
Dr. Einstien you need not be to see
the lesson so plain to see --
All things are relative to where you are upon the vast cosmic scale. The
tiny crumb was for the ant much to large a meal.
And what for us is so large and hard is
for God only a cookie crumb upon the path.
-- a cookie crumb upon the path,
-- a cookie crumb upon the path.
The disciples asked Jesus, "Who then can be saved?"
Jesus answered, "With humankind it is impossible, but with God all things
are possible."
-- a cookie crumb upon the path,
-- a cookie crumb upon the path.
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210.320.1318